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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Godmotherfuckingdammit.

I don't care what Steve Madden or Glamour or Full Frontal Fashion are telling you. This shit is not cute. No. This is Manhattan, not Reykjavik. No. You are an accountant, not Pocahontas. No. I don't care how cold it gets at night. You live in a fifth floor walk-up in Chelsea, not a five person log hut in Oymyakon. No. You are 5'1", 155 lbs., not 5'11", 115 lbs. Sweetie, somebody like Andre Leon Talley may have sanctioned them, but consider your source: the man spends his days with 15-year-old, underfed high school dropouts. Plus, you know in zero-point-oh-five seconds, the fashion world is going to pretend this shit never happened. Of course, they'll all wait a few months to let you in on that little tidbit. And then one day you'll open your favorite magazine to find one of those cruel, "don't" pictures of you wearing mukluks and skinny jeans with exposed butt-sausage panty lines, and only a little black bar to shield you from total, public humiliation. I'm just sayin'. Please, let this shit die. Of course, this isn't really what's got my bikinis in a bunch, but I'm contractually bound not to discuss that.

7 Comments:

At 1/25/2005 07:14:00 AM, Blogger Berry said...

I know one thing...if it dropped down below Zero I would have those furry muggs on my feet in heartbeat *LOL* I don't do cold so practically will win out over fashion many days. Feet warm, check, feet don't hurt, check, feet dry, check, off we go! *LOL*

 
At 1/25/2005 11:35:00 AM, Blogger K. said...

Hey, It ain't about cute, it's about warm. It was -15 in Chicago last week, and
I 'm a public transportation kinda girl. I will gladly look like an Eskimo to keep my toes from getting frostbitten.

I hear you on the fur boots, though. They are fug.

 
At 1/25/2005 11:38:00 AM, Blogger Sid said...

B, I agree, if it was really that cold, I'd say, g'won, keep your pups warm as best you can, lol. And there are those that claim these are about warmth and comfort. But you can get warmth without having synthetic yak hide strapped to your legs, and you know if it was only about comfort, the women who advocated these things would be wearing mushrooms the rest of the year, not $250 jimmy choos, lol. It never ceases to amaze me what the fashion world will come up with as "inspiration." Remember in the 90s when Gaultier sent models down the runway tarted up as hasidic jews? un-be-feckin-lievable.

 
At 1/25/2005 02:33:00 PM, Blogger Zantiferous3 said...

LMAO. You are so damn crazy!!! But I swear, I always wonder... who tells famous people about fashion because they're always wearing the same sh*t... as you know I read a very erudite publication... with the initials N.E. and they have a fashion... ahem, I mean culture section in the back of said publication that shows various celebrities in various stages of repose. There are so many times that they are all wearing the next hot thing... before it trickles down to us peons. I would say it's the runways/fashion shows, but it will be something stupid, like everyone wearing a certain trucker hat or that whole Jesus is My Homeboy craze. Where do they get their information??? LOL I was hoping you could tell me.

 
At 1/25/2005 02:34:00 PM, Blogger K. said...

OMG, those things are so f*ing ugly as hell. What is wrong with people?

 
At 1/26/2005 05:08:00 PM, Blogger Mo said...

HA HA...at first I didnt like them...especially on women how you describe...the skinny legs with these huge eskimo spaceboots or tubby chubby sasauge squish in eskimo boots...but then i saw them EVERYWHERE...and i was ready to buy a pair...havent yet...and now i read this...thanks for the laugh and the reality check.

 
At 1/28/2005 06:17:00 PM, Blogger Rhapsodi said...

LOL @ X and her fuggin NATIONAL ENQUIRER!!

I have to say, that those were some of the ugliest, most disgustingly vile shoes I've ever seen.

 

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