Siddity In The City

So. I just watched Boondock Saints.

Being a fan of such fine filums as Lock, Stock, Fight Club, and other bloody action/comedies, I'd assumed this would be genius. I mean, ususally, people who also love those films lurve Boondock Saints. Um. It was okay, at first. I mean, aside from the fact that the dialogue seemed forced, the Boston Irish accents seemed dodgy (this coming from someone who has lived in an Irish ghetto or two in her time--okay, well, one, if you don't count Boston, and two if you count the neighborhood I lived in in north London), the premise seemed preposterous (twin boys who work in a meatpacking plant--yet conveniently, fluently speak English, Irish, Italian, Russian and French--decide to just start killing area mobsters in the name of God, using cues taken from Charles Bronson films, and manage to get the FBI agent pursuing them on their side for absolutely no discernible reason) and the entire supporting cast was obviously Canadian (not that I have anything against Canadia, but dang, have you ever tried to listen to a Canadian doing an American/working-class Boston/Irish accent? Holy christ, nails on chalkboard. Still better than most American actors trying to do any other accent in the world, though), you know, it was mildly entertaining. I mean, I am a fan of any filum that puts two nicely built and moderately tatooed boys' backsides on display (nevermind, I think that may only have been in the special features). You know, I could kinda sorta get over all that. But then, it just went too far, and crossed over into the completely, truly, ridiculously incredible. Please tell me, Troy Duffy, writer-director man, in what star system is Willem Dafoe in a Peggy Bundy wig and sunglasses a hot callgirl--nay, a callgirl hot enough to convince a mafia henchman to let her into a house, in which an assassination is presumably taking place, in order to have a quickie? Hot enough that, even after Dafoe-in-drag removes his sunglasses, said henchman doesn't realize he's sucking face with Willem fucking Dafoe until the wig falls off? What? WHAT? Willem Dafoe. Willem Dafoe. I mean, I know it's supposed to be a comedy, but damn. Not to mention the fact that the allegedly crazy, deadly, psychotic killer, Il Duce, that the Italian mafia sends to stop the protagonists is played by Billy Connolly--the teacher from the last season of Head of the Class. I'm sorry, Billy Connolly, but your large hair, menace and potential for evil will forever pale in comparison to that of your one-time co-star, Robin Givens. You know what? Hell, even if Billy and Willem had traded roles it would have all been more believable. Billy Connolly could even have kept the beard. I can't wait to see who plays the hot callgirl and murderous hitman in Boondock II. Perhaps Michael Clarke Duncan and Dakota Fanning, respectively.

posted by Sid @ 12/12/2004 02:25:00 PM