Siddity In The City

Bitch-in-Kitch V: Saag

Loaf Originally uploaded by Siddity.

Sid: After two weeks of intensive behavior modification therapy, I feel Loaf has improved his attitude enough to present this one on his own. Loaf, take it away. Loaf: Namaste, my friends! This week, the lovely and gracious Miss Sid and I would like to present you with our recipe for Vegan Saag. We do hope you enj- *phone rings in background, Sid checks caller ID* Sid: Oh, crap. Loaf, I have to take this in the other room. It looks like you've got everything under control, here, anyway. *Sid exits* *Loaf, checking to be sure she's gone, looks around, then turns back to the computer with an evil grin* Loaf: Ha-HA! Wassup, bitches?! Y'all missed me? We got to hurry the hell up and do tha damn thang, 'cuz I don't know when this heffa's gon' come back, so listen up. This' whatcha need: *reading recipe notes* 2 tbsp. veggible oil--Got it. 2 tbsp. cumin--Got a assadat. 3 bay leaves--Got it. 1/2 c chopped tomato--Da hell? We ain't got it. So, 1/2 c. Hunts tomato sauce, instead. Bitches. 1 c. chopped onion *checking fridge* Ain't this a blip? This bourgie bitch ain't got no damn onions. She got fitty million shallots, but no damn onions. Sheeeeit. A'ightden, a cup o' damn chopped shallots. Ain't nothin' but siddity onions, no way. 1 clove garlic, minced 2 in. grated fresh ginger-- Sonofabitch. Playin' all big chef an' shit and ain't got no damn grater, neither? I gotta chop this shit myself. Imma mess this bitch up one day, watch. 1 1/2 tbsp. coriander--I think I dated her once. 1 1/2 tsp. garam masala--I definitely dated her, more than once. *starts humming "Magic Stick"* 1 1/2 tsp turmeric--That's my boy! He yellow, but he aight. 1 tsp. hot curry powder 2 frozen blocks of spinach, thawed 1 head cauliflower--Does the bitch own stock or some shit? Can we have a damn dish without cauliflower in it? 1 15.5 oz. can chickpeas 3/4 stick of butter--and 1/4 cup milk--I know earlier I said vegan, but that shit is nasty, so to hell with that. She need to be glad I ain't put no hamhocks up in this bitch. Salt to taste and shit. First, fry the onions, garlic, bay leaves, 1/3 of the cumin and all the ginger up in the oil. You know, saute that shit. Oh, no, wait. Boil the hell out of the cauliflower first, and cut off the stem and shit, and drain the water out when it's done. Then fry that other shit. In separate pans, bitches, separate pans. Put the butter, thawed spinach, tomato sauce, and all the other spices in the pan with the onion--I mean shallot--shit. Saute it like a muhfuggah. When that shit start smellin' all good and shit, dump it all in the big pot with the cauliflower and stir it up. Add the chickpeas. Stir that up. Toss in some milk and like, 1/8 of a cup of water so that shit gets a sauce and don't burn. Cover that bitch, turn the heat down real low, and simmer it for, like, a half hour, during which time, feel free to get krunk as a muhfuggah. You should. Cuz ain't no meat in this bitch, and if you krunk when you eat it, you might not notice. I said might. *Sid returns, peeks in the pot, sniffs the air appreciatively, and smiles* Sid: Wow, Loaf, that smells great! Everything work out okay? Loaf: Oh, everything went just fine. I had to make a few last minute substitutions, but the dish is more than satisfactory. I was just finishing up the directions with our friends. As I was saying, friends, this is a wonderfully nutritious dish filled with fiber, protein and iron. I'd suggest serving it with the rice of your choice, and following it up with a hot, tasty cup of chai. Bon appetit! Sid: Great job, Loaf! Loaf: Thanks! Bitches.

Basis for recipe found here.

posted by Sid @ 3/30/2005 02:03:00 AM