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Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Just a few notes on crack.

My sisters. If you insist on wearing jeans low enough to show crack, please take the following into consideration: 1. Low-rise jeans are not made for our people. Un-scientifically proven fact: many of our booties start several inches higher than those of our paler sistren. You know, the sistren for whom such jeans are designed. So even non-super-low-rise jeans can turn into super-lows on a sister. Keep that in mind when you're hitting the Conway sales, that's all I'm saying. Try them on in the store. Sit in 'em. Have somebody--anybody--check them for decency. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. My point is, don't do it unless you means it, bitches. 2. If you do--mean it, that is--please, for the love of God and all that's holy, keep that area extra-cute. This means no gangsta tats, no stretch marks, no ass-pimple scars, no exposed bullet wounds. Exfoliate. Moisturize. Frankly, just don't do it if you are over a size 4, and then it's a no-go if you're a 4 under 5'7", because a lot of your size is likely to be concentrated in the asstank area. Oh, and wax that isht, christamighty. You think we don't see the tuft of fuzz creeping up out of your jeans? We see the tuft of fuzz. God help us, we see it. I think this all falls under the umbrella of the golden rule. If you don't want to see mine, I prolly don't want to see yours. That is all.

17 Comments:

At 9/06/2005 05:49:00 PM, Anonymous Keish said...

Gurl! Don't give these fools an OPTION! NO CRACK...PERIOD. Thank u. lmao

 
At 9/06/2005 05:51:00 PM, Blogger maryann said...

oh my gosh. tooo funny!

it is real tho. most of us with bountiful booties have enough trouble with dippage in regular jeans, let alone with low-rise. i only wear them for special occassions. and even then, i've prepared the potentially exposed area and have passed the squat test, the sit-down test and the bend-over test.

it was a sad day when booty cleavage became "cool."

 
At 9/06/2005 06:03:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea, you got me again Sid, I got nuthin. Well, 'cept, nast is nast straight up or otherwise. So I guess I'm on the page. I would like to go on record that I enjoy seeing a nice bump on the back of a bike with a cute thong hangin out tho. Can that still be OK? -Rob

 
At 9/06/2005 07:17:00 PM, Blogger deborah said...

LOL. You need to print this out into leaflets and start handing them out. Or apply some gorilla tactics, start hising them in jeans pockets at Conways! LOL

 
At 9/06/2005 07:17:00 PM, Blogger deborah said...

hising - hising

Hngh.

 
At 9/06/2005 07:18:00 PM, Blogger deborah said...

f*ck!

I have serious slippery fingers today.

hising = hiding.

Next: People who can't type in the morning!

Cheers.

 
At 9/07/2005 12:07:00 AM, Blogger Viv said...

*applause* BRAVO!

 
At 9/07/2005 09:53:00 AM, Blogger Daisy Mae said...

Heh heh... I was wondering what hising meant. I pictured you sitting in Conways making a hising sound. I'm glad you cleared that up. And I'm further glad that I'm not the only on with slippery fingers.

Then there are those butt-crackers that wear the thongs a mile above their butt crack jeans so everyone can see they are wearing thongs. You know, I just described about 10 well-known female celebrities.

 
At 9/07/2005 11:12:00 AM, Blogger K. said...

Thankfully, I think the low-rise trend is finally dying out. My ass is already too much for regular jeans to handle so the past couple of years have sucked for me and jeans.

Crack is indeed wack.

 
At 9/07/2005 12:09:00 PM, Blogger Msnhim said...

LMAO... its funny cause it true!!!!!

 
At 9/07/2005 01:31:00 PM, Blogger The Renegade said...

LOL

seriously. at library. between classes. snickering.

 
At 9/07/2005 01:59:00 PM, Anonymous Singing said...

Amen, Amen...and I say again...AMEN!!!!

*raising my black power fist*

 
At 9/07/2005 10:37:00 PM, Anonymous Hilari said...

you are a good person Sid - always with the charity work. I commend you!

 
At 9/08/2005 12:44:00 AM, Anonymous Fran said...

Giirrrrl, you are TOO much but yes, AMEN to this...LMBO @ the fuzzz....haha. I love you!

 
At 9/08/2005 02:46:00 PM, Blogger Zantiferous3 said...

ROFLMAO I swear... I am so tired of seeing crack... I mean unless your zipper breaks and it's really not your fault and the two bitches sitting at the table CLEARLY SEE YOU, but LET you walk by and don't say SHIT to alert you to the fact that you are about to expose your entire ass to the WORLD cuz in THAT case... it's not your fault!!! *ahem* ... *fixing collar* umm... yeah... well umm... I agree. *walking off hurriedly*

 
At 9/10/2005 03:59:00 PM, Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

I laughed out loud as I read this. Because of the popularity of low-rise jeans, my eyes have been assaulted by ass-crack after ass-crack after ass-crack. And, quite frankly: I'm Getting Tired of It.

Stolie

 
At 9/11/2005 12:59:00 AM, Blogger MeCrazyMe said...

Sid, you are out of order!! sounds to me that if you show Crack, you may get jacked !!! LOL

 

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