Siddity In The City

The problem with this city is not that there is too much attitude or too much crime.

On the contrary. I think there is too little. Maybe a little more would shape this town right up. For instance, next time some stuck-up crotchety-ass muddafuggah throws me some ill-timed and unnecessary shade, I could simply smack them dead in the fucking face. I would hope this will lead them to think twice before speaking so rudely to strangers again, and I will have thereby done my part in trying to make New York the best it can be. I swear, when I moved to this city, I was a really sweet girl. Now I have days when, for real, I just want to start slapping the hell out of people. The hell. Using really foul slapping implements, like, I dunno, uncooked haggis and sacks of offal and rotten chitterlings and shit. Just slap the hell out of 'em. Just a big ol' wet, shit-stinky juicy greasy whap! if they even look at me wrong. Argh. See, this is why I didn't want to live in this city. I knew this would happen. The Siddity family aggression allele is starting to show its ass. I thought it had passed me by, but noooooooooooo. I just wasn't living under the right conditions for it to manifest, apparently. In no other place have I ever entertained vivid--vivid--daydreams about knocking the dentures down an old man's throat. Daydreams that apparently immediately showed so clearly on my face that the fool was backpedaling before I had even uttered a damn word of response. I used to be zen. I would have just rolled my eyes and thought "Whatever, you'll be dead soon," then felt guilty for being so uncharitable and wondered about what kind of bad day dusty-drawers'd had. Now I want to speed him to his end. WTF? I am not the kind of person who menaces the elderly. I'm not. Grrr. Goddamn.

posted by Sid @ 12/19/2004 01:06:00 AM