Monday, February 14, 2005

About The Gates. Of HELL!

Just kidding. I really want to talk about how much I just looooooooooove that new construction project in Central Park. You know, the one that's been on the news, with all the orange shower curtains up on stilts? The one that's front page, above-the-fold, of both section A and the Metro section of the Sunday Times? That one? Yeah, I just looooooooooove that. I saw it today while I was working. 'Sfunny, though, I couldn't see what they were building way up there, what with the twenty bajillion people pushing through the park all trying to get a peek, too. Also, you know, whatever is going on up there is blocked by those funny orange curtains whipping around. Huh. My guess is, treetop condos for squirrels. What's that you say? Building treetop condos for squirrels is a fucking ridiculous idea? Really?Anymore ridiculous than, say, spending $21 million to put 7,500 construction-orange shower curtains up on 16 foot stilts every 4 feet throughout the park and calling it art? I think not. I mean, at least with the condo idea, the city could profit, I dunno, by charging the squirrels rent or something. But this, this thing is just...damn. But I seem to be the only person who thinks this way. To read the review on the front page of the NYT, one would think that the sun shines out of artist Christo's ass.

"In the winter light, the bright fabric seemed to warm the fields, flickering like a flame against the barren trees. Even at first blush, it was clear that 'The Gates' is a work of pure joy, a vast populist spectacle of good will and simple eloquence..."
Oh really, Michael Kimmelman? At first blush? A flickering flame? Pure joy? What the fuck is this--reporting, or a love poem? And, I mean, I personally felt it was a bit more like being slapped in the face with a traffic cone every four feet than a joyful populist spectacle, but that's just me. I'm such a pleb. I don't know why I hate it so. It isn't the color. I mean, orange is my favorite color, ever, and I still hate this. I even think it's funny how they're trying to pass it off as "saffron." I don't think it's the repetitive mind-numbing overkill of placing them every four feet. I personally would have done something crazy like, I dunno, make the frame a different, less conspicuous color, so that from above the orange shower curtains looked like they were flapping in the air, suspended as if by magic, but hey. I might hate that everybody's tap-dancing about it like these damn curtains are going to climb down at the end of the day and feed and clother the poor and hungry and tutor slow kids and sh-t. Oh wait, maybe that's what I hate. They won't get down at night and feed and clothe the poor and hungry. They'll just hang there, being orange. Each and every one being a $2,800 hunk of orange Krylon-painted metal with orange nylon curtains strapped to it. That's what that $21 million works out to. $2,800 per. And the stupid thing will only be on display for 16 days. So, $175 per thing per day. Hm. I'm too tired to even hate it properly now. I'll hate it some more tomorrow. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll look at it and suddenly think it brilliant. Hm. Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day. I'm going to get my Valentine-free self some lilies.


At 2/14/2005 04:38:00 AM, Blogger deborah said...

Well ya, when I was looking through flickr last night it seems every man ans his dog who owns a digital camera was there snapping the saffron curtains. Its a little overkill and now that you mention the molah involved Im thinking another fucking waste of money.

At 2/14/2005 07:02:00 PM, Blogger callalillies said...

Sid, I thought I was the only other person who thought that "art" is crap. I saw that "saffron" display on opening day and thought it a terrible waste of money on crap when there are millions of people all over the world STARVING!

Last night the crap was displayed on 60 Minutes. I saw reports on every news channel. The "artists" must be laughing their little heads off. They truly got over! They have the mayor's praise, the media's praise, and it seems everyone is praising this crap.

Maybe its just me. Maybe I don't get "art" when I see it, such as that awful blaring ORANGE called saffron metal heap displayed in the park.

Art. Hell, I should think up something and see who I can pawn my crap to. Some idiot will actually enjoy it. Maybe I can find a way to profit from selling crap, then I can assit the homeless and the starving in a community in need. Do you think that idea will fly, Sid?

Like you told me earlier, "It looks like a construction site!" Art (my ass)! There you go -- an idea. Maybe I can sell a picture of my "moon" and slap it on some major area of NYC. Oops. I have to get an idiot to sell the idea to. What was I thinking?


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