Monday, February 07, 2005

Foot-in-mouth disease, wherein I go from charming to asshole in under 6 seconds.

The scene: End of workday, Sid runs into MP as he is on his way out and they begin to chat. MP talks about a particularly shitty workload as Sid sympathizes, using a standard siddism: Sid: "I know, it makes you want to die a little bit." MP: "Um, no, it just makes me not want to work here." MP then reveals, as breezily as is possible, that he has survived a serious and far-too-often fatal illness, while Sid tries her honest best to crawl inside her own asshole in mortification (on the inside) while remaining outwardly cheery and nonplussed. This, of course, fails, as Sid cannot possibly remain cheery and nonplussed when she has said something remarkably stupid and insensitive and fucktardical and irreverent about life to someone who, at a very young age, has had to contend with the possibility of losing it. Moreover, Sid feels quadruply fucktardic, as Sid says such thoughtless things all the time, despite the fact that as recently as last week Sid was inwardly panicking at the prospect of a loved one falling ill from the same disease (said loved one, it turned out, was fine.) Sid also immediately recalls similar incidents in the past of joking in poor taste with someone who has experienced the joked-about tragedy. These thoughts occur in rapid succession, and the abashed sentiments they induce flit across Sid's face before she regains control and plasters on a stupid smile to keep from crying at her own fucktardery, and at the fact that MP has indeed faced illness (a. Sid has suspected this for some time and b. Sid thinks MP is Good People, good friends or not, and the suffering of Good People bothers Sid a bunch and c. Aunt Flo is in town so d. Sid has been feeling like a weepy little bitch lately.) Sid thanks every saint and angel she can remember by name that she is standing in a darkened hallway, for she knows she would be beet red if viewed in full light. Of course, MP reads the face of yours truly as awkwardness stemming from his revelation, apologizes for burdening me with his bad day, and runs off before I can think of any suitable pardon-my-fucktardery response. How do I fix that? Making a special apology seems like a bad idea on about a dozen levels (it's probably a bigger deal in my head than what actually happened, an apology could be mistaken for PC pity, etc.). But ignoring the revelation--is this worse? I am a shit. A shit with no tact. I am tactless shit.


At 2/08/2005 01:22:00 AM, Blogger Mary said...

Okay Miss Sid - you need to stop beating yourself up over this. If the opportunity presents itself to apologize then do so but if it doesn't then don't make a production out of it.

You had no way of knowing and when I hear jokes about tragic things my family has gone through or what friends have gone through - I know that person doesn't mean it literally and would feel awful if I mentioned why it bothered me they said it.

If it were me - I would have already known MP had gone through that and said something dumb anyway. My foot-in-mouth disease is much more advanced.

Cheer up, missy!

At 2/08/2005 04:36:00 AM, Blogger deborah said...

Oh Sid, don't be too hard on yourself. It kinds just reads like MP shouldnt have brought it up after you said that comment. May I be too cruel as to say, it sounds spiteful coming from perhaps a frustrated person (MP)who is feeling the pressure of the grind. He may even be thinking "fuckfuckfuck... why did I come back with my illness-facing-the-end story, when all she was trying to be was helpful with a little witty banter".

Don't fret pet. Chin Up. You're a lovely person and we all know didn't mean any harm.

At 2/08/2005 09:41:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i too have done that type of thing (started to giggle when a member of mine mentioned his 'man boobs' and then realised he was serious, when he said he was having the operation to reduce them this March.) if you already have a good relationship with him (work or not), i'm sure he realises it was just a slip and not meant to hurt, specially as he hadn't previously told you about his situation.

At 2/08/2005 10:54:00 AM, Blogger K. said...

Oh dude, don't beat yourself up so much. How could you have known? People make over-the-top comments like that all the time, knowing that they're not serious. I'm sure he understood.

At 2/08/2005 11:42:00 AM, Blogger Sid said...

Yeah, I'm over it. I think he'll never mention it again, since he looked like he was kicking himself for bringing it up. I just feel bad he felt bad, but whatever. I'm sure things will be fine.

Mardi gras!

At 2/08/2005 11:42:00 PM, Blogger Zantiferous3 said...

Girl if I tell you what I did that was even WORSE... will you stop it???

My cousin, shot himself in the head and killed himself. I drove to the funeral in Philly, cried my eyes out... talked on the phone to his daughter (she's my age) at great length about it... we cried together, shared memories, etc.

well one day, we were just having a regular conversation and MY dumb ass says... "girl if such and such doesn't stop, I think I'll blow my brains out." Hmmph I beat myself up about that for a week and half... but you have to let shit like that go. You didn't mean it, I mean I KNEW and I STILL didn't mean it!!! I just wasn't thinking. I feel bad, but don't beat myself up because it wasn't intentional at ALL. It's okay, I promise.

At 2/10/2005 05:17:00 PM, Blogger callalillies said...

Sweetness, you didn't know. Mr. probably just wanted to unleash and you happened to be there. I'm sure he's sorry he said anything, but no need for you to apologize. He should apologize for unleashing his wrath, mentioning personal info in such a manner, and there you are innocently listening to him about how his day went. Don't worry yourself. We all say things we don't mean - all the time.


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