Adult Swim.
This post is about swimsuits. Big-lady swimsuits. (It'll be short, promise.) I hate them. They are all either floral cataclysms of death, neon cataclysms of death, floral-neon cataclysms of death, OH NO SHE DID NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE WITH HER SHIT HANGING OUT cataclysms of death, or any one of the above, plus skirt.* It's almost impossible to find one with adequate "support," or better yet, an underwire. Why don't they all come with the comforting restriction of underwire? Huh? Because, frankly, I don't like the idea of my tits taking off in opposite directions as soon as I hit the water. Did I mention they are almost always fugly? I hate that. I wish all swimsuits were black long-sleeved bootcut swimsuits. That would be nice. Even bloody scuba wetsuits have tapered legs, and I hate tapered legs. The end. *I hate the skirts. I hate them. Why are they there? What do they cover? Who has a tiny, unappealing ring of fat only in the two inches around the thighs that these skirts cover. Nobody. Nobody. So you just made the suit even uglier for absolutely no fucking reason. Wunnerful.
posted by Sid @ 5/12/2005 10:32:00 PM
5 Comments:
AMEN! Preach it my sister!
A few weeks ago, I had bought what I thought was a decent enough swimsuit to see me through the summer. It had that big band under the boobs (can I say boobs?) that I thought would be supportive. Why when I turned over on the chaise lounge JUST YESTERDAY, did both the twins sneak out the bottom? I was mortified. I'm sure all the neighbors in the apartment buildings surrounding the pool appreciated the shimmy and writhing I was doing to right myself again. Sigh. F swimsuits!
I found some stylish and supportive ones a few years back but I can't remember where I got them. I didn't pay a fortune for them either.
I have been in fear of wearing a swimsuit for the past few years. Even though in the past year I have lost weight and toned up a bit, I still can't find anything that doesn't call attention to my flaws.
I'm all for the wetsuits.
THANK YOU! I've been looking EVERYWHERE for a "sexy" suit for the season. Why do they assume "thick" girls want to look horrible at the beach??? GRRRR!
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