Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Pacifier

Okay, enough haikus for one week. Here's a review of The Pacifier, the film I just saw, all impromptu-style, after work: It was- Um. There's this scientist and- Hm. Okay, long story short: Navy SEAL turns babysitter to dead scientist's family while mom is away, whips unruly bunch into shape while whipping the bad guys with nursery toys, finds love and a soft spot for the kids along the way. (Oh, and defeats an evil North Korean nuclear weapons plan. No shit.) Sort of a Kindergarten Cop for the millenium. Except it's not, because Kindergarten Cop was, you know, funny. It sucked. Like a babe at the teat, it sucked! I mean, okay, maybe not fair, because it really is a family movie and kids might think it's hilarious. I saw all the punchlines coming twelve miles away, and I wasn't impressed then or when they were actually delivered, but your average 7-year-old might really dig it. There is, however, a gratuitous shower and towel scene (for the poor suffering moms and big gay dads forced to watch it with their chilluns) in which I think Vinniebaby might be the nekkidest I've ever seen him on film, which, frankly, is worth at least seven fiddy, aaaaaallllll by itself. Unfortunately, I live in NYC and this movie cost me three dollars more than that. Dammit. It was so not good. I was actually a little embarrassed to have watched it. I stopped to get a slice after the movie and the ticket stub fell out of my pocket, onto the parlor floor, as I fished around for cash. I snatched that bitch up like it read "Cum Sluts 69" or something. Sigh. I had to hit the video store in the windyfreezingicy cold to rent Pitch Black and Riddick, too, just to restore my, um, my whatever it is I have for that man. That's lurve, man. That's real. I want to see Be Cool. Anybody seen it yet? Anybody want to see it this weekend?


At 3/08/2005 10:59:00 PM, Blogger deborah said...

You know... thats cool Sid... just to go a see a movie on the spur of the moment. I mean, they dont all have to cinematic wonders. And yeah... I'd LOVE to see Be Cool. It ha Uma and Andre 3000 :) Oh yeah... there may be a problem with me saying yes though.... hmmmmm

At 3/09/2005 12:05:00 AM, Blogger Will said...

You are hilarious!!!!!

I would be honored to go to see BE COOL with one of the coolest people I know. Ummm, that would be you, Sid.

Can we do it Saturday? Let me know.

Wait...a quick haiku.

Vin Diesel sucks ass
I'm mad at Sid for seeing
The Pacifier

Thank you, Altoona! I'm here all week! *drops haiku-friendly mic*

At 3/09/2005 01:55:00 AM, Blogger Mary said...

~I snatched that bitch up like it read "Cum Sluts 69" or something.~

That made me lol. And I'll have my mother know, I merely copied and pasted that and didn't type it myself. AHEM.

I want to see Be Cool - the book was good. You and Will go and report back so I can save my $7.50 (that would be AZ ticket prices) if need be.

Thanks for the heads up on The Pacifier - although I'm not that big of a Vin fan. Now Sunhotta? Whole other story.

At 3/09/2005 09:54:00 AM, Blogger Death said...

I'm just so happy you've stopped with the Haiku's and shit. Damn.

At 3/09/2005 10:08:00 AM, Anonymous golden said...

I'm with Will! Hilarious!

I'm down to see Be Cool. Just holla at a sistah! You still got my cell right?

LOL @ Will!

At 3/09/2005 10:58:00 AM, Blogger Zantiferous3 said...

I am SOOO mad that his dumb ass wrote a haiku. ROFLMAO!!!

And even madder that I can't go to the movies with my blog-fiance and lesbian lover. *sigh... kicking rocks*

Have fun ya'll!!! Tell me how it was, I think I might go see it on Sunday... I saw Constantine last week. *retch*

At 3/09/2005 11:18:00 AM, Blogger Sid said...

Will, G, (and singing' too if we can get her in) Saturday works for me! I'll call y'all later this week to see if you're still interested.

Also, will, you are cur-azy. I was clapping when I saw sombodey else had written a haiku. It was good, even though you have denigrated the talents of my walking wet dream, but that's okay. Like I said--he's the male Britney Spears. The opposite sex will never understand...

Mary--LOL@ Sunhotta! This is how I will pronounce it from now on!

Death, my friend, unfortunately for you, I enjoyed those haikus way too much not to make them a regular tuesday fixture. I'll just limit it to one haiku post per tuesday next time. Mwahahaha!

And X, dahlink! You will be there in spirit! Also, I saw Constantine when that came out, too. You'll note I didn't even choose to blog about that, though it was, arguably, on the same level as The Pacifier. Blech.

At 3/09/2005 01:59:00 PM, Blogger K. said...

I'm just glad there's another person in the world who enjoyed Chronicles of Riddick as much as I did.


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