src="http://openmind.clemish.com/webbands/diversity_rb1_right.js">

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Bitch-in-Kitch Six: Catfish!

Say that ten times fast. So, this week, comfort food: fried catfish. I love catfish, because it's cheap, versatile, and de-rishus. Usually, I just salt it and pan-cook it with garlic and olive oil. Today, though, I battered and fried it, with a tiny, tiny twist. Okay, ready? large catfish fillets 1 egg (per 4 fillets) 1/2 c. milk (per 4 fillets) 1 1/2 c. flour or corn meal, your choice 1 tbsp. hot curry powder (per 4 yadda yadda) 1 large clove garlic, minced salt, pepper to taste frying oil of your choice In one large, shallow bowl, beat egg and milk together. In a separate large bowl, add and mix all other ingredients with a fork. Dip fillets in egg/milk mixture, coating evenly, and then into flour/meal mixture, coating evenly. Fry it up. I ate mine topped with super-spicytart lemon pickle. Yurm. What's that? Where's Loaf? Oh, he's, uh, taking a little break. *Sid looks blankly off into the distance, remembering...* Loaf: What's cookin' this week, bitch? Sid: Call me bitch one more time and it's you. Bitch. Loaf: A'ight, I was only playin'. Bitch. Sid: You know wha- Loaf: Ha, okay, Sid. What's cookin' this week, Sid? Some more indigestible veggible bullsh- *Sid reaches for bread knife* Loaf: *cough* Some more incredible veggible goodshit? *cough* Sid: Mm-hmm. If you'd let me tell you, damn. I was thinking about making fried catfish- Loaf: Halleluja! Can I get a amen, muhfuggahs?! Praise the Lawd! *waves hands, stomps, dances around kitchen counter* Sid: -and sweet potatoes- Loaf: Praise him! *begins to faint dramatically* Sid: -but I thought it would be neat if I put funky spices, like curry powder in the fish batter, and then made maybe the sweet potatoes into spiced fries, as a side. *Excited, far-away look* *Loaf stumbles mid-faint, rights himself, looks incredulous. Then dangerously tranquil* Loaf: Come here a minute. Sid: I'm right here. Loaf: No, closer. *Sid moves closer* Loaf: Closer. *Sid moves closer* Loaf: Lean down, lemme whisper something in your ear. *Sid, looking doubtful* Why? Loaf: Just do it. I'm not gonna try to cut you again. Promise. *Sid, looking really doubtful, leans closer, but still out of striking range* *Loaf leans forward calmly, draws a breath* BITCH, WHAT DA HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! WHY THE HELL YOU GOT TO GO MESSIN' WITH PERFECTLY GOOD SHIT?! CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE SOME NORMAL SHIT JUST ONCE?!?! GOT-DAYUM! *Sid stumbles back, grabbing ears* You just busted my eardrum, you little- Loaf: If you make that messed-up fish, I'm walking! It's always about you, what you can change, what you want to put in! Just once, make something for me! Don't you put that shit in there! *Sid waves measuring spoon of curry powder threateningly over bowl of flour, salt and pepper* I'm doing it, and you can't stop me. Shit, you need to be thankful I don't eat store-brand white bread, you little morally bankrupt waste of calories! If I did, you'da been ate by now! *Loaf looks stunned, then starts tearing up* That hurt, bitch. You was my heart. How you gonna talk to me like that? That's it, I'm out. Sid: Fine! Go! Take your Family Dollar cooking shit, too! Got-damn dollar-store oven mitts didn't protect me from shit, no way! I don't need you, you crazy confectioners sugar-snorting muthaf- *SLAM* *Loaf is gone, and Sid sits on the kitchen floor, alone, looking bewildered. Sid weeps* *Fade out*

8 Comments:

At 4/05/2005 08:47:00 AM, Blogger Will said...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Say it ain't so! The end of Loaf? Did he walk out like Snoopy did with a hankerchief tied to a stick and a dinner roll as a sidekick? Did he leave a note? Or maybe some bread crumbs as a trail so that you could find him later?!?!?!

We wanna know these things, Siddocious!!!!

Answers! WE NEED ANSWERS!!!

LOL

 
At 4/05/2005 10:21:00 AM, Blogger Jazz said...

hey sid, could i use that recipe for regular fish?

 
At 4/05/2005 11:01:00 AM, Blogger K. said...

Hey, this is better than Desperate Housewives!

 
At 4/05/2005 01:27:00 PM, Anonymous Ayana said...

Sid, maybe this is for the good. Y'all two need some time away from each other to cool off and realize how much you luv each other. (Though, if that shit don't work out, Loaf you know you gotta place to stay here, right?)

 
At 4/05/2005 07:24:00 PM, Blogger rcknrobin said...

Your blog is too funny. you are a trip!

 
At 4/05/2005 07:24:00 PM, Blogger rcknrobin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 4/05/2005 10:19:00 PM, Blogger notyouraverage.... said...

desperate who? waiting for the next installment.

 
At 9/09/2005 03:55:00 AM, Anonymous Fried Farts said...

Hey Blogger! Great post on Bitch-in-Kitch Six: Catfish!. I have a site about Fried Farts, do you want to trade links?

 

Post a Comment

<< Home