Siddity In The City

Bitch-in-Kitch Six: Catfish!

Say that ten times fast. So, this week, comfort food: fried catfish. I love catfish, because it's cheap, versatile, and de-rishus. Usually, I just salt it and pan-cook it with garlic and olive oil. Today, though, I battered and fried it, with a tiny, tiny twist. Okay, ready? large catfish fillets 1 egg (per 4 fillets) 1/2 c. milk (per 4 fillets) 1 1/2 c. flour or corn meal, your choice 1 tbsp. hot curry powder (per 4 yadda yadda) 1 large clove garlic, minced salt, pepper to taste frying oil of your choice In one large, shallow bowl, beat egg and milk together. In a separate large bowl, add and mix all other ingredients with a fork. Dip fillets in egg/milk mixture, coating evenly, and then into flour/meal mixture, coating evenly. Fry it up. I ate mine topped with super-spicytart lemon pickle. Yurm. What's that? Where's Loaf? Oh, he's, uh, taking a little break. *Sid looks blankly off into the distance, remembering...* Loaf: What's cookin' this week, bitch? Sid: Call me bitch one more time and it's you. Bitch. Loaf: A'ight, I was only playin'. Bitch. Sid: You know wha- Loaf: Ha, okay, Sid. What's cookin' this week, Sid? Some more indigestible veggible bullsh- *Sid reaches for bread knife* Loaf: *cough* Some more incredible veggible goodshit? *cough* Sid: Mm-hmm. If you'd let me tell you, damn. I was thinking about making fried catfish- Loaf: Halleluja! Can I get a amen, muhfuggahs?! Praise the Lawd! *waves hands, stomps, dances around kitchen counter* Sid: -and sweet potatoes- Loaf: Praise him! *begins to faint dramatically* Sid: -but I thought it would be neat if I put funky spices, like curry powder in the fish batter, and then made maybe the sweet potatoes into spiced fries, as a side. *Excited, far-away look* *Loaf stumbles mid-faint, rights himself, looks incredulous. Then dangerously tranquil* Loaf: Come here a minute. Sid: I'm right here. Loaf: No, closer. *Sid moves closer* Loaf: Closer. *Sid moves closer* Loaf: Lean down, lemme whisper something in your ear. *Sid, looking doubtful* Why? Loaf: Just do it. I'm not gonna try to cut you again. Promise. *Sid, looking really doubtful, leans closer, but still out of striking range* *Loaf leans forward calmly, draws a breath* BITCH, WHAT DA HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! WHY THE HELL YOU GOT TO GO MESSIN' WITH PERFECTLY GOOD SHIT?! CAN'T YOU JUST MAKE SOME NORMAL SHIT JUST ONCE?!?! GOT-DAYUM! *Sid stumbles back, grabbing ears* You just busted my eardrum, you little- Loaf: If you make that messed-up fish, I'm walking! It's always about you, what you can change, what you want to put in! Just once, make something for me! Don't you put that shit in there! *Sid waves measuring spoon of curry powder threateningly over bowl of flour, salt and pepper* I'm doing it, and you can't stop me. Shit, you need to be thankful I don't eat store-brand white bread, you little morally bankrupt waste of calories! If I did, you'da been ate by now! *Loaf looks stunned, then starts tearing up* That hurt, bitch. You was my heart. How you gonna talk to me like that? That's it, I'm out. Sid: Fine! Go! Take your Family Dollar cooking shit, too! Got-damn dollar-store oven mitts didn't protect me from shit, no way! I don't need you, you crazy confectioners sugar-snorting muthaf- *SLAM* *Loaf is gone, and Sid sits on the kitchen floor, alone, looking bewildered. Sid weeps* *Fade out*

posted by Sid @ 4/05/2005 01:12:00 AM