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Thursday, April 14, 2005

This shit is fucking stupid bullshit, bitches.

This made me roll my eyes a little bit. I won't say I don't believe we swear too much as a society; I'm a major offender--hell, I cuss with relish--and I still think we do. But I definitely don't believe it's plain language laziness as some of the teachers claim. And it doesn't mean the end of use of great swaths of the dictionary, for fuck's sake. The Irish, for instance, say shit that makes me blush, but they've also managed to produce some of the greatest poets, novelists and playwrights the world has known; it's a very literary culture. Profanity and a large vocabulary can coexist (America needs to stop thinking that because we don't/can't do it, it isn't possible). You can be as comfortable with the word "cunt" as "colloquial." Frankly, I believe the people who would say "I'm fucking pissed off" all the time to indicate anger are just unimaginative. Yes, there is a range of anger between irritated and incensed, between upset and livid, but the people who are only going to say "pissed off" just aren't going to employ other phrases, anyway. Plenty of us are more than happy to say a "bitch has got me livid as a muhfuggah," you know? Which is not to say I think kids should be allowed to cuss like little heathen sonsobitches. I didn't start swearing in earnest until college, and that did me fine. Frankly, looking back on it, pre-college, I didn't have as much bullshit to cuss about. That may have had something to do with my late bloomage. Oh wait, it could also have been the fact that my mama (who could make the Irish blush, when she's behind the wheel of her minivan-of-rage) would have knocked some sense into my ass if I came home talking like I didn't have the good goddamned sense enough to know when not to talk like that. And that's the real problem. It's not the pervasive use of this language; it's the lack of guidance on when and how the language should be used. Effective immediately, I am running a cussing seminar. For only $1750 per student per semester, I will provide cussing guidance and vocabulary expansion to interested parties. Since I'll actually be teaching vocab and test prep in addition to creative uses of profanity(I'm totally qualified to do this; I've taught SAT prep, bitches!), I'll undoubtedly be able to set myself up as a No Child Left Behind tutor and get my money from the government, so the course would come at no real cost to the student! Genius.

8 Comments:

At 4/14/2005 06:58:00 AM, Blogger Berry said...

I bet you could really get this course approved as a language elective or even a course at the Seminar Center. Genius!

 
At 4/14/2005 07:41:00 AM, Blogger Mary said...

That's fucking brilliant, Sid. I'm just perturbed I didn't think of it my damn self.

Oh and I guffawed uproariously at "minivan-of-rage". You are one funny harlot.

 
At 4/14/2005 12:19:00 PM, Blogger Death said...

I like the idea of a cussing seminar. But even though there's always room for improvement I think I do very well on my own, thank you very much.

 
At 4/14/2005 05:07:00 PM, Blogger Will said...

Heyyyy...no fair it's just for kids!!! Finally, a class I could pass and now I can't even sign up!

*kicking rocks*

*mumbling* It is a brilliant idea, though. Sid.

lol

 
At 4/14/2005 06:08:00 PM, Blogger Sid said...

Berry: I'll look into that, thanks!

Mary: There's always room for a guest lector

Death: You would be chairman of the department, my friend

Will: As a blog friend, you would be allowed to attend free of charge. Don't think I haven't noticed your flagrant use of WTH instead of WTF, mister.

 
At 4/14/2005 10:27:00 PM, Anonymous golden... said...

*grabs dictionary/thesaurus and looks up both Sid's and Mary's words*

ummm...imma hafta sign up 4 dat class! *roflmao* got a discount for single momz?!

 
At 4/14/2005 11:41:00 PM, Blogger Dragonslayer said...

I'm somewhat partial to "irate".

You know what they say. "It's better to be pissed off than pissed on."

 
At 4/17/2005 11:58:00 AM, Blogger maryann said...

lol. i just had to post a comment b/c i MUST tell you how daft i am.

as i was reading "i cuss with relish," i was like, why would she cuss with a hot dog condiment?

sheesh.

 

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