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Thursday, August 11, 2005

As they say, let go and let God...

Ah, funny the difference a day makes. As it happens, I won't have to see my father after all. I'm not entirely sure how things shook out on the family's end to bring about that result, but there you are. Offer/opportunity off the table. No need for me to choose. I didn't get to see my brother today, and it looks like I won't be able to see him again before he returns to Panama, since I'll be working all of the remaining time he's free. That saddens me a bit. I'm still not sure how I should feel about any of it, but having siblings I know of and yet do not know well is nothing new. In a way, I hope he maintains some sort of relationship with our father. Over the course of the evening that I had with this man-boy, this stranger of my blood, I tried to get to know him as much as possible. No small feat. His English isn't great, but it is better than my Spanish. I spent the evening taking camera photos, trying to speak in slowish, coherent sentences (which I never, ever do. I talk fast and make no sense most of the time.) and putting random, get-to-know-you questions to him between bites and awkward silences my aunt and cousin filled with their humor. Somewhere in all that, on a train, I think, I asked if he fished. Yes, he said. His father, our father, gave him a fishing pole. That made me want to cry a little, but in a bittersweet way. The fishing trips I took with my father, our father, years ago when I was the only child, remain the fondest memories I have of him, the one bright spot in our short shared past. I was glad to find something my brother and I had in common, and despite the fact that I appear to hold much enmity for the man, I was gladder still that it was something we'd both had of the best of our father. If my brother can be satisfied with what our father is willing to give of himself, and if our father can in his way look to one child with whom he has not burnt his bridges, well, good. I'm happy for them both. Truly. In other, less maudlin news, woot, I finished the first draft of that script I was working on. Maybe they'll hate it. Maybe they won't. I'm just so excited to have set a deadline for myself and met it. Even better, they aren't ready to deal with it yet. There have been a bunch of delays and issues behind the scenes that I was unaware of until today. Which means I am not the supreme screw-up in this situation! I'm not the one holding everybody up in the process! I'm not the one missing deadlines! Wheeeeeheeeeeee! You have no idea how twistedly wonderful this makes me feel. I love the film and video types. I made one foray into that world a few years back, very briefly, and the same thing happened there. Deadlines just kept getting pushed back and back and back. And it was not my fault! If that's the character of the industry, mayhap I need to make myself a home there. I'd fit riiiiight in. Screw this print nonsense! Williamsburg warehouse-living documentary filmmaking-types, here I come! Or not. I mean, Williamsburg is so '03. Snort. I managed to put in an hour with my trainer (Love him. Really, if you need anybody, he's great. I'm willing to share.), write a short script, have dinner, several phone conversations, blog surf and watch Definite Article (which is fucking hilarious, Eddie is my favorite comedian) all before 6. And then, at the end of the day, I managed to squeeze in a few hours at the gym. I had to atone for the Big Nick's burger I had for dinner. I'm not even ashamed. Those are some good-ass burgers, bitches. Well worth an hour or three of pedaling to nowhere. Besides, it's my trainer's fault. I mean, what kind of twisted health-and-fitness professional thinks acceptable workout conversation is which neighborhood greasy-spoon has the best burgers and hotdogs, really? Oh right, my kind. Now I'm going slide my gym-funky arse into a big hot tub, sip on a cocktail made with one of my derishus vodka infusions, and read a dirty romance novel. I might even play some SIMS 2. Then I'm goin' to bed. Brilliant fucking end to a very good day.

5 Comments:

At 8/12/2005 07:39:00 AM, Blogger Daisy Mae said...

Hah! I thought I was the only ne with family situations like that. Small world, eh?

 
At 8/12/2005 11:20:00 AM, Blogger Berry said...

Busy day...you got a lot accomplished.

 
At 8/12/2005 11:51:00 AM, Blogger divine m said...

Dang if life ain't grand sometimes, eh? It's the little things that are the big things . . . always.

Congrats, lady! I suspect this day is a turning point for you. . . .

 
At 8/12/2005 12:38:00 PM, Blogger K. said...

Lovely, lovely post.

I want to hear more about this gig of yours. Sounds very cool!

 
At 8/14/2005 12:05:00 AM, Blogger maryann said...

i'm so glad that you've come to some sort of peace about your father. the story about fishin pole was just heart rending.

as someone who has her own father issues, it's reassuring to see that there can be some sort of resolution .... congrats hun. :)

 

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