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Monday, March 14, 2005

TMI Monday

If you aren't interested in ass-related incidents, there's a list of blog alternatives to the right, under "Loves." Go now. You are forewarned. So, I'm all set for Chicago, which has me whistling a happy tune and counting the days until takeoff (7). I'll be flying out and meeting TDMM for general merry-making, rabble-rousing and debauchery in the Windy City, travelogue TK. If you're going to embarrass yourself, do it out of town, I always say. Okay, I never say that, but it screams sagacity, knowhatImean? Anyway, as neither of us has even a hint of a plan, we were brainstorming when TDMM suggested a spa visit. I did some research, and we discussed the cons. You know, it's expensive, not all that much fun, and I'll be damned if the first someone who sees my bare ass in a long time is going to be someone I pay, dammit. So we drop the spa idea. This is where we get to TMI (okay, maybe we're already there). Apparently, something about the conversation stuck with me. Last night, I had the most traumatic dream. You know the kind of nightmare where you dream of some injury or disfigurement, feel it really intensely in the dream-state, and have to check yourself out when you wake up, just to be sure? Yes? Last night I dreamt I went to a spa for a treatment, only to discover I had the most hideous ass ever. Ever. It had weird scaly patches and scabs and dangling, fleshy tumorous bits that looked like old man-sac. You know, or what I'd imagine old man-sac would look like, had I ever seen one. Eeeeeeeew. Eeeeeeeeew. Now, I'm not claiming to have a great ass, because I don't even have a good ass, and generally, that doesn't bother me too much. I certainly don't obsess over it's naked appearance, since nobody but me has looked at it in longer than I care to recount. But this dream really disturbed me. It was hideous! Now I'm all concerned about my naked ass! Do I really need one more item to add to my grooming routine, the routine that no one is around to appreciate? No. And yet, I was exfoliating like a muhfuggah a minute ago. Seriously. I've now developed a whole vanilla-scented buff-and-polish regimen, Mr. Miyagi-style. I am stepping up my ass game, and there is no one in this forest to hear the sound. Or, er, something. Whatever. Stupid dream. Just thought I'd share. Happy Monday!

4 Comments:

At 3/14/2005 01:25:00 AM, Anonymous Hilari said...

Yo Sid,
check out the Buffy the Backside Slayer from LUSH!

 
At 3/14/2005 02:21:00 AM, Blogger Sid said...

Hilari, what have you done?!?! Now I know about LUSH, and have given them $50 of my hard earned dollars, in exchange for melty bars and fancy-scented bath bombs! Gasp!
(thanks, looks delightful)

 
At 3/14/2005 07:28:00 AM, Blogger me said...

Excuse me, can I ASS you a question? (Sorry I couldn't resist!)

 
At 3/16/2005 02:47:00 PM, Blogger notyouraverage.... said...

i too - have started focusing on the back side. some extra pampering, can't do any harm.

 

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