Friday, November 26, 2004

Randomosity Part Deux

1. Scott Weiland is one sexy MF. GOT-DAMN! While I was relaxing with my folks turkey day eve, I watched MTV, something I haven't done with any consistency since, oh, 1999. And a Velvet Revolver video came on. And I nearly peed myself with excitement! Holy christnuggets, even in the throes of a junkie fit (reenacted, of course), he is eerily hot. He just wiggles and smudges his makeup more. Rrrrrow. And why fon't I have the Velvet Revolver CD yet? I think it's time for major CD shopping splurge trip #2. 2.Speaking of things I haven't done since 1999, I hadn't had turkey since then...until last night, when I had my mom's turkey for the first time in 5 years. Now I remember why I gave it up. It's so damn good that I could probably eat a 20 lb. bird by myself. Argh. I will henceforth limit meat consumption to major holidays. Thank god there are only a few more weeks until Christmas. But after New Year's, I think I might start redefining "major holiday." Like, "Oh, it's be kind to your news delivery person day! Break out the rack of lamb!" Meep. 3. Urm, I can't remember anything else now. G'night!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I'm such a liar.

Know what's funny? That, for the past hour or so, blogger has been actin' all crazy, so I was copying all the text I wrote before trying to post, justincase something went wrong, 'cause I get scary when my post gets deleted and I have to type it again. Except for this last post, right here. Forgot to copy this first. Guess when blogger decided to screw up? Anyway. Didn't I just say no more until next week? Dang. Clearly I have a problem. That was the lie. Here is my post-point topic. Thing. So, 2.5 weeks after joining Match and uploading a sad little picture, I've gotten close to 1000 profile views. Two years ago, I joined without a picture, lost interest after, like, 3 hours (I always sign up for this isht after I've been out drinking with friends or something. Sad.), never closed the account. Checked it out again recently, had 37 profile views. Over two years. I guess men really are visually driven creatures. Weird.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Liberal, TMBG listening minds

Think alike. The lyrics to They Might Be Giants' "Kiss Me, Son of God," would have made one hell of a Bush theme song. I was going to post on that, then forgot, then rembered it again, then went to look for a copy of the lyrics to cut and paste, and then found it on the aforelinked blog. Here are the lyrics, anyway, teehee: I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage Called the blood of the exploited working class But they've overcome their shyness Now they're calling me Your Highness And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" I destroyed a bond of friendship and respect Between the only people left who'd even look me in the eye Now I laugh and make a fortune Off the same ones that I tortured And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" I look like Jesus, so they say But Mr. Jesus is very far away Now you're the only one here who can tell me if it's true That you love me and I love me I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage Called the blood of the exploited working class But they've overcome their shyness Now they're calling me Your Highness And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" Yes a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God"


So yesterday, post workout, I hit the Starbucks at 75th and Broadway and I think I saw Wayne Brady there, trying to go incognito in shades and a hat, but still grinning so hard it looked like his face would crack. Could there possibly be two high-booty brothers that happy in the world? And why can't I ever spot, like, this guy, or this one, or this one, or this one, or hell, even (no--especially) this one?!?! Also, plenty of people sing in the shower, but does anybody else dance in the shower? For some reason I feel compelled to bust a move barefoot in a wet, slippery tub. I have to stop, 'cause if I fall and break something, I would sooner die than call for help... Madeleine Peyroux--I just heard one of her songs on some Music Choice station and I think I love it. Mayhap I will buy her album. Maxam Honeysuckle bar soap, which I got a while back at Pearl River Mart (477 Broadway; N, R, W at Canal street) has turned my post-workout shower into my favorite part of the day. Such a perfect, clean smell, available for only a buck-a-bar. That's it until after tofurkey day. I'm heading off to see the folks tomorrow, and I'm working at an ungodly early hour Friday (and let me just say that I work starting at 7 am one day each week, so you can imagine what crazy-ass time I'm going in on Friday to be bitching about it here), so no one will be hearing from me for at least the rest of this week. Unless something really blogworthy happens, which I doubt. Happy Thankstealing! Oops, almost forgot. The two most random things I've overheard in the last six or so months: 1. Someone named Keyshondra making fun of someone named Damaris for having "a ghetto name." I almost dropped a damn stitch behind that isht. 2. Two guys at an outdoor cafe having a seriously girlie-style chat about relationships--specifically, about one guy's girlfriend troubles. "I feel like you've turned her into a project," says his friend. Holy crap. You all DO talk about us the way we talk about you. Is FHM just, like, a really expensive (exhaustive and extensive) red herring? Or was this conversation just an anomaly?

Monday, November 22, 2004

Fucking conservatives. Or conservative liberals. Or whatever, I dunno.

So, again, on my post-election post, a comment: Anonymous said... Oh man, you need a lesson in international politics, economics and foreign policy.You seldom attack the strong - you attack those that will give you strategic positioning during a war. Guess which was the country the US attacked after Pearl Harbor? It was the French colony (who were our buddies) of Morocco.You cannot attack Saudi Arabia or Pakistan directly - they are powerful, and attacking them would affect our (and the world’s) economy. You need to play your strategies out very carefully. The US is buddies with Pakistan, while holding on to their nukes, and making sure it does not fall over to Afghanistan or any of the Arab nations. And yeah, talking of which, I can understand Pakistan - but India? Why would any one want to attack India?We’ve a presence in Israel, and (hopefully) soon in Iraq and Iran. We have already started out on North Korea, and that will soon be taken care of, too. Bush is an excellent choice. At times of war, you need someone able. There was a reason Winston Churchill was voted into power during WW-2.And oh, speaking of Kerry. He wanted to “strongly warn” Pakistan. And do what? Attack them? So that Jihadis get hold of their nukes and they nuke India, India nukes Pakistan, China joins in and we all die? I do not want the highschool debate captain, I want someone who can stand his ground (and not change his decisions every other minute). I do not want someone who will make us into yet another welfare state, but rather someone who will reinforce an economic system that’s been proven to work - capitalism.Bush ain’t the best President, but he sure as hell is _leagues_ ahead of Kerry. Lay off whatever crack that you’re smoking. That first post was at 2 in the morning. I love how they came back to my blog, like, two hours later, teehee. At 4:40 AM, Anonymous said... And yes, I must also add this -- even during the peak of the Cold War, we never attacked Russia directly, and neither did they attack us directly. We played out our enmity out there in other countries, such as Afghanistan. It is stupidity to face your enemy head on, especially when doing so involves very great risks. On the other hand, it is stupidity to ignore them, too. Kerry would have spent all his time changing his opinions on these issues, while Islamic fundamentalism would be on the rise -- he is too weak to control or take a stance. Okay, my rebuttal. Enjoy, kiddies. You'll note this person elected to remain anonymous, as I think all the attention scared Princess away. So, anonymouse, here we go: 1. I am WELL aware of the strategic positioning required in times of war, genius. And your points are all good--I'll concede you that, despite your assholish delivery (smoking crack? seriously. Come up with something better). And yet, they seem to be YOUR reasoning for this war, not the president's--or at least not the reasoning that was offered. He and his spin doctors have been feeding everyone lines about humanitarian efforts, reducing terrorism, finding WMDs. By your argument, if indeed his strategy is the clever positioning your suggest, the current president is a liar. Hm, an alleged flip-flopper, or a proven liar? What a choice. You'll also note I never suggested we attack India, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, North Korea or China, or anyplace else, for that matter. I was making a point, jackass. Point being, we don't attack countries that genuinely posess nuclear capability--something the original commenter, Princess, claimed was a reason she would prefer Bush to Kerry (fear of "mushroom clouds") so by her logic, her reasoning for choosing Bush was flawed. Plain and simple. Jihadis--already on the rise, or haven't you noticed all the pissed off Iraqis who weren't so thrilled with our "help," as this administration swore they would be? Not to mention adding fuel to an already raging fire of hatred extremists hold for the US. "We are NOT lying infidel bullies who run roughshod over the rest of the world! And just to prove it, we're going to go in and royally kick the shit out of this little country over here! It'll be over really fast, and it won't even cost that much. It'll be, like, war-lite! Yeah! And it has nothing at all to do with oil money, or regional powermongering. It's about saving the people from a tyrant! About finding WMDs! Shut up bitches, we're helping you!" Yeah, okay. What in the world would make jihadis mad about that? Silly bitches. Ah, the welfare state versus capitalism. Jesus god, I hate this conversation. Fuck, this wasn't even part of my original post, but since you brought it up, fine. Listen, capitalism works for a few people at the top of a pyramid, and leaves the rest to struggle and die. The thing is, it provides its own spin: the presence of a successful few gives the fucked many the impression that they, too can live the dream, if only they try hard enough. But they can't. Capitalism is a zero sum game. If I'm succeeding--really succeeding--it is because I have royally screwed someone else, say, by paying my employess shit wages (It cracks me up when hippies make arguments about how capitalism is a failing system becuase we have a growing gap between rich and poor--no, actually, it's working too well). But if you need backs to step on to get to the top, you better be goddamn sure those backs will be able to continue to support you. If you want to sell your shit, there has to be enough money spread around for us stoopid poor to buy it. And lately, my friend, not so much, the money spread around, huh? I don't think that anybody here is asking to be totally taken care of by the state, okay. All anybody wants is to maybe have a shot at some of the opportunities inherently available to those at the top--decent education and healthcare, to be able to afford rent AND food with the paychecks you get at the end of a two-job, 60 hour work week. I come from a blue-collar family, and I have been privately employed by people in the much discussed top 1 percent of the economic ladder. The. World. Is. Different. For. Them. The opportunities are unfathomably different. To ask that all children have access to the kind of support available to the children of the rich is not begging for handouts, it's good policy that will ensure enough people minorly succeed and stay happy enough with the staus quo that the masses don't go apeshit and start seriously thinking about revolution rather than merely head-bobbing to Eminem and Rage Against the Machine. Damn. And wanting someone to at least fucking control the rising costs of healthcare (in a real way, like limiting the amount drug companies can charge for their products, not capping liability suits, because, funnily enough, public healthcare and limiting drug costs seem to work okay in other countries) wouldn't be so bad, either. I'm lucky, now, having a job that provides health insurance at low cost to me. But for four years, I worked multiple jobs and was totally without a safety net--I watched my various employers manipulate my scheduling, for instance, so I wouldn't work enough to be eligible for insurance--and falling ill would literally have ruined me and my family, and that is fucked up. How would millions of illness-induced bankruptcies affect the economy--oh wait, that's happening more frequently now, isn't it, and it's fucking the system up, eh? Those crazy defaulters. (Remember when the people who didn't pay bills were just the easily-stereotyped-as-lazy-and-stupid minority poor? Not so easy to dismiss inequality now that Joe and Jane Average are suffering, is it?) But back to the Bush v. Kerry issue. Again, you only assume that Kerry would be unable to take a firm stance or ignore problems, and that "Islamic fundamentalism" would rise unchecked under him. It has already happened under Bush, who took a stance that directly contributed to the rise in fundamentalism, and who will continue to plod along this path, god help us all. And all of this, by the way, this little back and forth we have, does not change the fact that, for a whole heck of a lot of Bush voters, the deciding factors were not WMDs or capitalism v. the welfare state. They were gay marriage and abortion. And for many who did consider war and the economy the big issues, their reasoning, like Princess_1979's, was based on quarter- and half-truth soundbites coming from Bush's spin machine, not any genuine or considered fear of a Mideast power vacuum and how it will affect world economy. And that's very, very, very troubling to about half of us who have to live here with the rest of you shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later crazy ass motherfuckers, okay? Now, I have other things to do, but I think I replied to all of your points, anonymouse. Thanks for stopping by. Come back soon. Oh, and I do hope nobody missed the "Let's change our own rules, you know, the ones we drafted to try to show how morally superior we are to Democrats, because now one of our own has fucked up and might be subject to them" maneuever pulled by Republicans in the House last week.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Y'all are sick.

You know, just because I like boys in lipstick don't mean I'mma put up with any old deviance. Whoever found my blog by googling "pictures of Kimora Simmons pregnant belly," "Kimora Lee Simmons naked pictures," "fat hairy arsed ladies" and "BBW porn," should be ashamed. This is not that kind of blog. Much. Often. Usually. Ahem. I'm just sayin'. What? What? Those were only, like, 4 posts out of 90!

No me toques!

I didn't realize just how little physical human contact I have these days until I went out with a touchy-feely old friend recently. She just. Kept. Touching. Me. She uses touch for emphasis, I know, and is easily affectionate, as are many of my friends. And thas' cool, really. Usually, I don't care, but I don't think I have any other friends who are so, er, hands-on. Like, "Blah blah confindential point," lean in, hand grab. "Yap yap like your hair/clothes," pat stroke grab. "Chit-chat this is fun!" Hug pat. Either she is more touchy-feely than my other friends, or I am having serious personal space issues. I swear, every now and then I would catch myself thinking, goddamn, why are you touching me again?!?! Huh. Guess I won't know if it's her or me until I start gettin' some regular contact (nudgewink) again.

OMFG, I can't wait to see this.

Gael Garcia Bernal in lipstick.... *swoon*

Monday, November 15, 2004

Gym-gyminee, gym-gyminee gym-gym jerooooooo

So I've been really good about hitting the gym at least four days per week, yay me. But I've gotten bored with my bike/weights routine, so today I hauled my backside up onto an elliptical machine, expecting to spend roughly five minutes making an ass of myself before staggering off to a bike. I don't know why I thought that would be how it went down. I mean, I've used the durn things before, though only by force (for 2 minutes at a time during a circuit training class in grad school). Point being, that is not how it went down. It went down like this: Minute 1: Step up...oh, crap, going backwards, why's it going backwards?!? Oh, wait, nope, got it, forward, forward...shit, lost hold on the grips, ack! Nope, got it again, forward, forward... Minutes 5-10: Wee-haw! I got this! Swish swish swish... Minutes 11-35: (singing in head) You know I'm BAD, I'm bad, you know it, hee-hee... I LURVE the elliptical machine! I cannot believe I have been avoiding it for the past month. Dang. Aside from the fact that, somehow during the course of the workout, both my hands AND feet started to fall asleep, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror looking like a demented bouncing hobbit, it was perfect. All of the benefits of running without nasty side effects like joint rebellion, hyperventilation or lost toenails. Crazy. Yes, I realize everyone else in the world has known this for years now. Shush. I'm having a moment. Why in the hell did I wait 26 years to join a gym? Ah, well. I've joined up now, and I love it. If only I could stop loving pumpkin spice lattes and apple fritters, I'd be skraight...

Friday, November 12, 2004

So I got this comment on my post-election post...

Honestly now, did you really think that John Kerry was the best thing for this country? You are in the minority on that one. All this election came down to really was choosing the lesser of two evils, better the one we know than the one we don't know. I know that personally the thought of John Kerry running this country made me sick, I would like to have a world where I can have children someday. I just saw mushroom clouds when I pictured Kerry as President. I'd rather our nation be on the offensive rather than a defensive position when it comes to terrorism. Back on September 11th I thanked God that we had a "crazy cowboy" in the White House, we needed to go and kick some a** and that's what he did. Do you think Gore or any other Democrat would have had the cojones to do that? NO!

This from Princess_1979. To which I respond:

Princess, Princess, Princess. Why in the hell do people think that a war will stop a war? What the hell kind of logic is that? Besides, using your strike-first logic, we should be worried about going on the offensive against nations that actually have the will and the ability to produce those future mushroom clouds you mentioned--like, say, North Korea? How about China? Did we go in and give a military bitch slap to India or Pakistan? Nope. Nope we didn't. Which just might indicate that this war, against a poor, sad little country--that had fuck all to do with the Sept. 11th attacks, or has everyone frigging forgotten that?--was little more than very expensive (in terms of lives and money) posturing on the part of a president who doesn't know what the sam hell he's doing. Period. Oh, sure, he's putting on a good show, with his tough talk and fancy bomber jackets and spin, but for what? Record deficits, job losses, lost lives, an underfunded education system, and he's hell-bent on screwing the poor in every which way--overtime pay, nope; an increase in minimum wage to match rising costs of living? uh-uh; and so on. Hell, let's not even deal with his big failings, let's talk about the little ones--he barely speaks English!

And yes, many of us, seeing Kerry's record (I happened to be in the hotel ballroom with him and his supporters the night he won the senate race in MA, as I was covering a story, and the man is both intelligent and eloquent, unlike Bush) believe he was the right man for this job, you know, having actually served in defense of this country and all, or has everyone chosen to ignore the fact that Shrub is a draft-dodger, too? How about Shrub's alcohol and cocaine abuse? Ignored. (Yet Clinton admits to smoking pot once, and Republicans act like he's satan incarnate. Of course, that is the republican way--it's wrong and unforgivable, unless they've done it. Then people need to pray for them. Hypocrites.) You know, changing your mind about something in the face of mounting evidence that you had bad information and made the wrong choice the first time around isn't flip-flopping, it's rational behavior. If you made three wrong turns and ended up on a road that led to a cliff, would you keep driving to stand by your decisions or back the hell up, turn around and look for gas and directions? I mean, damn.

And you know what? Yeah, the thought of Kerry being in office making you sick? Right, well four years of Bush actually has made nearly 56,000,000 of us sick, literally (since a whole hell of a lot of us have been unemployed or underemployed and thus, health-care free under his shite reign, or did you miss the fact that the number of uninsured Americans has grown under Bush, too?) and/or figuratively. We were just outnumbered by the inmates now running the asylum.

And the majority that voted for Bush, presumably, by your reasoning, because they believed we needed a "crazy cowboy" in the Whitehouse after 9/11? How 'bout the fact that those people were the ones in places not directly affected by the tragedy? Will al Qaeda be attacking Alabama any time soon? Not. Bloody. Likely. New York, D.C., Boston, L.A.? Maybe a slightly higher chance, there, huh? And somehow, all the states in which these cities lie went to Kerry, indicating that the 48% minority (which is a rather large minority, BTW), you know, the folks who've actually suffered and will likely be targets again? Yeah, those folks trusted Kerry, sweetie.

And last, but not bloody least--as any woman trying to conceive can tell you, having cojones doesn't count for shit if you can't shoot your load in the right fucking place.

Japanese minty eyedrops

...and other novelties, minty and mint free.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Look at my foot.

ho' shoes
Originally uploaded by Siddity.
So, do you ever just get the urge to hang out at home in your sluttiest heels? 'Cause sometimes I do, like, now, for no reason at all. It's just a passing, "Oh, maybe I'll put on my hooka heels" thing.

I thought I was alone in this until a friend confessed her propensity to do the same. Is it just us?

And men think we suffer this for them. Ha!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Notes to self.

1. Spend more time going to restaurants like Delta Grill, Maya and Sala. I went to cajun and creole grub-spot Delta Grill (700 9th Ave, at 48th St.; C, E at 50th St.) with TBNY a few weeks back, and while she didn't seem too impressed with her gumbo, I was happy as a clam with my fattilicious crawfish pie appetizer and blackened tuna entree. The crawfish pie, served in a portion that is large and dense enough to be an entree in itself, is essentially a big 'ol wedge of mystery melty cheese and flaky crust with a bit of crawfish thrown in to break up the cholesterolfest--oh no, wait, crawfish are cholesterol-laden, too. Oh well. It was yummy, especially washed down with a crisp Abita. The blackened yellowfin, served with a side of buttery veggies and jalapeno-and-cheese mashed potatoes was quite good, as well, though not nearly as spanktacular as the wasabi crusted tuna I had awhile back at Park Avalon. In all, it was much, much better than Jacques-Imo's (though Citysearch rates Jacques-Imo's higher, I've been, and found the food pricey and sorely lacking in flavor and visual appeal), but not as easy on the pocket as Border Cafe in Cambridge--I think I spent about $40 at DG--but hey, this is New York. Even NYC crack hos cost 40% more. Er, or so I've heard... I visited "modern Mexican" haunt Maya (1191 1st Ave, at 64th St.; 6 to 59th) this past weekend with friends, and had the camarones al chipotle: tequila grilled--excuse, flambe'd--shrimp over a manchego-cheesey black bean huarache (the shellfish and cheese pie seems to be a trend with me). But it was good. So good, in fact, that between the dish and the minor debate raging over thr outcome of the recent election (I will not call it a Bush victory, by God), I completely forgot to offer even a bite to my pals until there was naught left but a half of a shrimp and a smear of chipotle. Oops. Next time, pals, promise. Also--the best guacamole I've ever had. 'Course, it was $11, so it damn well better have been.In the end, the appetizer and entree set us back about $35 each. Not bad. But if we'd had drinky drinks and dessert, we'd have spent $50+ each, easily. You are forwarned. And today, Sala (344 Bowery, at Great Jones St.; B, D, F, V to Broadway-Lafayette, 6 to Bleecker) where I popped into the New In Town meetup. The meetup was pretty neat, I must say, though, seriously, I think I was the brownest person there, aside from the waitstaff (what, no new colored folks in town? WTF?). I noshed on a goat cheese and honey tapas dish between fits of awkward conversation, and that alone made it all worthwhile, I suppose. Of course, from now on, I'll just have goat cheese and honey at home, but still. I did meet some interesting people, including one girl who I got along with pretty dang well. I discovered, a few minutes into the conversation, that we were born about 48 hours apart. Freeeeeaky. I hope she'll come to the sushi meetup next week. In fact, I hope lots of people come. I hope y'alls come, too (unless you're one of those scary stalker types who really believes the anchor man is talking to you, and you alone. You can stay home.) 2. Humboldt fog chevre and Vitamin Water do not mix. This must not be forgotten. 3. Start hunting for cheapo flights to Chi-town, where I hope to spend a day or two around New Year's Eve. Windy City, here I come! 4. Spend more time at the Bronx Zoo. It's only $8, you get some exercise hoofin' it from one enclosure/exhibit to another, and you can watch monkeys chest thump and smear shit on glass boxes other than your TV. That was an allusion to the present political climate. I know, it was bad. I'll work it out and edit it over the next few days, so check back! Or not. 5. Holy crispy christ, knit faster.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

This is genius...

I found it on Chelsea Peretti's blog. A bunch of stuff happened in the last few days, and there are pictures, but I can't be bothered to post on them right now. I will soon, though, for reals. :-/

Thursday, November 04, 2004


tea and cake
Originally uploaded by Siddity.
I have the evening off, so I devised this whole big "I'll just go out and have a pot of tea and dessert, and read a book at some nice little cafe all by my lonesome" plan, which was supposed to be writerly and romantic, with the cold November rain and all (haha, must allude to the GNR whenever possible).
After an hour and a half slogging around the UWS looking for a suitable spot, I gave up and bought a rustic apple tart at the Columbus Bakery (83rd and Columbus) and went home to my own warm bed and teapot.

This is the first time in my new NYC digs that I am really missing Boston. This would NEVER have happened there (where my favorites were Algiers, which is actually in Cambridge, Tealuxe, and the Espresso Royale. Ooooh, and there was this place in Somerville, I can't recall the name, but it had the best hot chocolate, called the turtle, methinks, oh, how I miss it...christ, I'm getting maudlin over beverages. I need more friends). You can't throw a scone without hitting some little nifty cafe up there, sigh. Anybody know of a good student-y cafe in the area? As fall moves into winter, with the whole lack of daylight thing already likely to have me in the dumps, I'll need a little pick-me-up spot.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Stolen From SFJ.

Who'd a thunk I could read an entire American Conservative article without gagging? If only more conservatives had read this, too...

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck shit.

Son of a bitch! It happened again! The cretins have outbred the intellectually able, and made their voices heard last night when they all loaded up in a fleet of short buses and bumbled into the polls, then pushed all the wrong pretty buttons and handed our nation over to one of their own developmentally stunted kind. Again. Son of a bitch! I. Don't. Under. Stand. Don't people want a leader who thinks about things, from all angles, before acting? Someone who continually evaluates the wisdom of the decisions made, and who acts accordingly to make adjustments, if need be? Don't they want someone smarter than they are? Someone skilled at diplomacy? Someone who can lead the world rather than alienate everyone else in it? Well no, actually, they don't. Apparently, they want someone who makes them feel all cuddly inside, someone they can relate to, someone just like them. Goddamn. Goddamn. I would like all of the following people to line up to my right. I've got to work in a few minutes, and I'd like to wrap this murderous rampage up quickly. Ahem: 1. Blue collar/poor Bush voters. Special dispensation for the lack of sleep you got working double shifts for $5.15 an hour with no overtime pay, lack of affordable nutritional food, and poor quality healthcare you've likely received (if any), all factors which surely impaired your judgement. You just get spanked. (See, I am a bleeding heart.) 2. Female Bush voters. It must be such a relief to you not to have to worry about little things like control over your own body, or equal wages, or anything hard like that. Since you seem so willing to give these things up, line right up and turn yourselves over to me. With all the "unborn children" you've "saved," the world is now, more than ever, in need of population control. Sacrifice yourselves. 3. Neocons. Traitors! Bastards! What happened to you all?!?! Irving Kristol once said that a neocon was a liberal mugged by reality. Well, bitches, get ready to be mugged in reality, by a bunch of angry-ass, disenfranchised folks. Like war vets who had their pay and benefits slashed, and who need to supplement their income. Or me. Sidenote: Major networks--PLEASE STOP GIVING DENNIS MILLER AIRTIME. HE IS NOT FUNNY. HE IS IRRITATING. 4. Minority Bush voters. I'm not going to throw any Uncle Tom accusations at you. You must have considered your position very carefully in order to take such an apparently insane stance. You must have had your reasons. I respect your desire to stand firm in your beliefs, be they anti-gay, anti-abortion Bible thumping conservatism, economic conservatism, or I-want-to-fit-into-the-old-boys'-network-complete-with-trophy-blonde conservatism. Whatever floats your goat's boat. But you, you I shall cripple, and let live--so that you can bear witness to the havoc you've wreaked, and watch your quality of life decline, and watch the quality of your children's lives decline, mwahahaha! In fact, first line up with the po' folks, so I can spank you, then get back in line for the cripplin'. More to come.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004


Now. If you've been in a coma for the last four years and still don't know who [Kerry*] to vote for [Kerry*], you can go here, right quick, and then get the hell down to the polls[Kerry]. Oh yes, you need to have registered by now, since (at least in NY) you can't do a same day registration. And if you have registered in New York, but did it after January 1, 2003, you need to bring ID, 'kay? [Unless you plan to vote Bush. Then I must ask you sit at home and work on your reading skills. Later, I'll be by with a pitch on a bridge I'd like to sell you.] Now. Go. Why are you still reading this? My ass is in line at the polls. [Kerry] *subliminal messages, mwahahahaha!